Estel'amin My Hope
by Caelistis.Rydraline
Summary: People say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. Do they appear to the one you are bonded with? Lousy summary, sorry.


**This was inspired by the **_**amazing**_** mods for Baldur's Gate: The NPC project on Gibberlings Three, and Xan for BG2 on Pocket Plane Group. That said, for anyone who is planning on playing the latter, there shall be SPOILERS! ::sigh:: I can't see that word without thinking of Doctor Who…-_- **

**oOoOoOoOo**

_A chill wind swept dust and leaves across the stone beneath our feet. The moon was already high; it was nearing midnight now. Nighttime. __**Her**__ time. I would have much preferred to storm the crypts at high noon, but Imoen's condition pushed me forwards. Although I had had been soulless for a much shorter time, I was already feeling the effects. I didn't want to know what __**she **__was going through, nor did I want to prolong it more than necessary. _

_We turned a corner, the graveyard now in sight. Silvery moonlight bathed the mausoleums and threw dark shadows at the feet of the tombstones. Gods knew how many vampires were lurking there. I shivered, and Xan squeezed my hand. I looked over, giving him a small smile, and through the worry in his eyes I saw it returned._

oOo

The exit to the Nashkel mines is just feet away, and we all unconsciously hasten our advance, eager to be back under the sky. My spirits lift as we finally step outside, away from the claustrophobic tunnels and air that tastes more of dust and smoke than anything.

I look over to our newest companion, happy to finally get a good look at him. Though still pale and tired, the sunlight brings some life back into his features. I watch him look up at the sky with an expression of near-disbelief on his face before he turns to me. Before he speaks I see the tiny flicker of hope in his dark eyes.

_oOo_

_The gate to the graveyard was wide open, and with no small amount of trepidation we stepped through, eyes frantically searching for any sign of movement. The almost inaudible pattering of raindrops was slowly becoming louder and faster, and I could see a thick mist curling around the bases of the tombstones. I managed not to roll my eyes at how painfully cliché this already seemed._

_Xan's hand released mine, and my gaze shot to my left, but I still heard her first. That perfectly feminine voice that always seemed to carry a menacing whisper behind it._

_"So, you have returned."_

_oOo_

I walk towards our campsite, the setting sun a magnificent scene before me. I keep my eyes open and my head up, enjoying the near blindness. If I let my eyes drift out of focus, all I can really see is golden light, and for just a moment the world and its troubles are gone.

Blinking, I turn my attention back to the campsite, and I can feel myself smiling. Before my eyes completely recover from staring into the sun, he is nothing more than a silhouette, but in a moment…

Xan is sitting across from where I stand, his journal open on his lap. The fiery light behind him lends a magical aura, playing in his dark hair as it falls around his face. His gaze is locked on me, so intense I almost feel it, and his lips are parted slightly. The usual cloud that hangs over him seems to have been banished by the sun.

I let my eyes drop shyly, finding a seat. When I glance back up, he is writing, and I allow my eyes to roam over his body until he looks up again.

oOo

_His moonblade fell to the ground, clattering loudly on the stone. Its sapphire flames were nothing more than a blue-grey smoke curling into the mist around it. _

_I caught him as he crumpled, lowering both of us to the ground as my eyes met his, pleading. My mind pushed his faded blade away, refusing to accept what it meant._

_Bodhi spoke, standing over the pair of us. Her words were nothing more than meaningless noise to me, and I did not look up. _

oOo

Xan's arm is wrapped around me, and I feel him tracing elven script across my back. I inhale deeply, drinking in his scent as I open my eyes. He shifts slightly, kissing the top of my head.

"Good morning," he says quietly. I hear a smile in his voice, and look up at him.

I kiss him, my own lips turning up as I see his smile remain.

"You're smiling," I say.

oOo

_I couldn't tell if my heart was racing or barely beating at all. The rain was falling quickly now upon us, but I paid it no mind. I couldn't care less whether Bodhi remained or if she had already fled. The world barely existed to me as I stared down at the dying man in my arms._

"_Forever is such a cruel word, isn't it?" Xan's voice was quiet, almost tired as he reached up to gently touch my face. _

oOo

"I love you," I whisper. His arms tighten around me, and I feel him bury his face in my hair.

"And I, you." His voice is soft, and makes me want to stay standing in his arms forever, just as it always does. "Thank you," he says. "Estel'amin. My hope."

oOo

"_I love you."_

_It hurt. An agonizing, heart breaking, shattering pain. An empty pain. And yet I still felt numb. _

_Everything stopped as I sat there, cradling his head against my breast, drawing ragged breaths. __**This wasn't real.**_

_But the unceasing pain was screaming that it was._

_And as the icy rain soaked through my skin, curling it's way into my very core, a part of me believed it. _

**oOoOoOoOo**

**All right. I hope you enjoyed it. And if any dialogue overlaps with what is actually written in the mod (s), it was unintentional. **

**And might those be reviews in the distance? Or is that just my 'inflexible' optimism? Aha.**

**Yours 'till death,**

**Caelistis.**


End file.
